The Non-Maternal Mother

I’m perhaps one of the least maternal women going. I do not like children. I never have. However, I always wanted my own. So, I am, perhaps, somewhat of a contradiction. I’m also quite fond of my own, this is, however, because I am raising them in my totally unmumsy way, so they’re not quite as irritating as other children. These are just a few of the things I struggle with as a non maternal mum.

The boy

The School Holidays

Before The Boy started school, and we could go out in the week, and do what we wanted, I’d never go anywhere in the holidays. We would have lazy Pyjama weeks! Now, he’s at school, so sometimes we have to. It’s awful. They are absolutely everywhere you go. Everywhere is busy, full of small, loud, people.


My kids are aware that I’m not into kid things, and they behave accordingly. Then, he went to school, and became a bit more like all the other children, unimpressed!


The School Run

I possibly dislike parents as much as children. Not generally, I have some great friends who are also parents. But, the parents at school, I don’t know them, the only thing we have in common, is that small people came out of us (or our partners) in the same year. Nothing to talk about.

School Events

They’re all rubbish. I’ve got no interest in them.


You’ll all think I’m terrible now, I’m sure. But, I don’t really do the playing thing. I’ll read, and craft with them. Now The Boy is a bit older we play on the Wii together. I’ll sit and play “where’s mummy’s nose” for 3 hours with The Bobsy. But, proper kids playing, that requires imagination. No. I want no part in that. When I read, I don’t see pictures in my head, I can’t even understand that concept, I just hear words. So, my friends like to say I haven’t got an imagination.


Kids parties are the worst things ever. I’m dreading The Boy one day asking for one. So far, he’s been content to go for a meal with family, or to the cinema with just us. But, I suspect it’s coming. They are awful. If The Boy is ever invited to them, I inform his father that I can’t take him, because The Bobsy has her injections that day. I’m unsure how long I can keep getting away with this!

kids party

Baby Groups

I know, baby groups are great. I should go to them, and make friends with other mums. No. I’ve got friends already. I have no desire to spend hours around other peoples crying babies thanks.

Don’t even get me started on soft play. Or children I’m related to that aren’t mine. Or, having to pretend i’m interested the dinosaurs party, and kids TV! This list could actually go on forever.

2 thoughts on “The Non-Maternal Mother”

  • Hahaha I love it. I’m the same with the not really liking kids but wanting my own. I tolerate Molly and Jess. Just about! Joking.. ahem.. I know what you mean about school holidays too. They are awful aren’t they. You can’t go anywhere without kids being everywhere ha. Very loud and annoying. And when you do have to go anywhere in the holidays, it always seems to cost more for less..

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